Birthdays vs Time

Hey ya’ll! Birthdays are awesome to me. Another year older and wiser. Well yesterday was my little big brother’s 22nd birthday and today is my Meme Birthday! Im the over board type. Everything has to be perfect to me. Well in the mist of getting everything together I started to feel the need to rush. Almost felt like I was running out of time to get everything done. Then I thought about the post by #internetbestie.

I shouldnt rush things in life. If it shall be then it will fall in place and go according to plan. We forget to live and relax when it comes to certain things. During yours or another person’s birthday take the time and relax and enjoy the blessing of having another year. Having the ability to spend that birthday with the special individual is all that matter.

Your Peace

We stress over so much in life. Alot of what we stress over is our fault. We never really sit back an analyze ourselves. We allow all different types of vibes and energies to come into our life, then holler we want peace. Take the time to analyze how that stress became a reality. You cant change people but you can change how things work into your life. Preople will come and try to destroy you. They do that by gaining your trust or getting in your head. If it feels wrong or your start to question then go with that gut feeling. Like #internetbestie says Protect your peace. You do this you protect yourself from destruction.

Talks Time with Zee #internetbestie

Tales of a Lupie 8

Hey Y’all!!👋🏾

So things have been really been good and manageable (not so bad) these past few days. Physically im more energized and wanting to do more. Ive been in good spirits and have had so much positivity around me…who doesnt love that. More doctors appointments but as always…im a very healthy sick person.
Today i have really adulted. I paid my bills, made the necessary phone calls and cleaned up a little. Well as much as my lungs allow lol. Anyway, im recently having to change pxygen companies. Its so annoying. Hopefully the new company is more customer service oriented and equipment actually works. What company tells their clients “we want to send you to some other company ” because the client asks too many questions and their stuff doesn’t work. Unbelievable. I also hope everything is switched over to the new company before Sunday. I leave for Florida Sunday and I dont want anything to go wrong this time. Wishful thinking i know.
Wow it really is time for evaluation…i am really excited but nervous as well. The tests and the possibility of being told im not qualified is so nerve racking. Y’all pray for me. This is going to be a journey. A journey I’ll document everyday.

Remember
Live Free. Pray. Drink Wine.

Real Words

To good to be true.
Are they real words?
Your words steady the already quickened heartbeat.
Your words smoother than a silk scarf.
Are they real?
Are you talking the talk just like the macho-fide walk you have.
The words i hear you say have feelings.
They make me feel like i’m the most captivating woman you have ever met.
They pull at the strings.
Not just the ones that hold the fabric together
But the ones that hold my heart in place.
Your words.
Your words… are they real?

– Celeste Rene’

Tales of a Lupie 6

I use to think my biggest fear was heights lol. As i continue this look into myself i see my real fear is disappointment. Yep Disappointment. I have a fear of being disappointed, but my biggest fear is disappointing people. Letting the people i care about down. Letting the Lord down. Now I’ll have an added on fear of letting my donor and their family down. I still feel like i’m on the search to find my purpose. Anyone ever feel like that? Like your disappointing someone or yourself. Feel like your in a search for your purpose. I have so many things I want to do and so many interests. At times i feel like i went to school for the wrong thing, but then i realize i didnt. I realize this because my heart is still set on becoming an analyst. I have a dream but it’s the steps to make it as reality that are hazy. I’m in need of some serious tech help. I have a dream but at times want to do something else. I get indecisive.
I just have to keep believing it will all fall in line. He always answers just have to be aware when he does.

Live Free. Pray. Drink Wine.

Tales of a Lupie 4

I dislike poor communication. Especially when it involves business. I finally heard back from my transplant coordinator nurse. We have been playing this cat and mouse game for a few weeks. Not really. She would have to call back to be playing that game. Well she final did and we’re getting things settled.

This morning i woke up with a heavy heart. Found out my girl Asha passed away yesterday. She was fighting a good fight and i’m glad she can finally breath with ease. As much as i don’t want it to be true i have to realize that she isn’t stressing worrying or crying anymore. She has her heavenly lungs and can breath with ease.

Life is precious. You have to live it to the fullest. Even if it’s something small do something different everyday. Do whatever feels uneasy. Get out of your comfort zone. Lately there has been a lot ive been thinking about that i wish i did, but i didn’t. Why? I was uncomfortable. Can’t change the past though. Only can focus on the future. I still see a bright one for me. Im not giving up on that.

Live Free. Pray. Drink Wine.

Tales of a Lupie 3

Hey Y’all! So things have been so crazy. I have so many rollercoaster days I’m starting to wonder. Lately its been up and down, up and down. My feelings go from happy and content to annoyed and not wanting to be bothered. Bothered by anyone but a few. That’s only a handful of people. It could be a number of things that cause me to feel this way. The medicine, stress, or just cause I’m human.
My good days have me feeling so invenceable. Makes me feel like i can do everything in One sitting. Then im knocked back into reality when im gasping to catch my breath. My bad days i just stay to myself.
Today i had more ups than downs. I had a whole list of things i wanted to do. Unfortunately my energy didn’t match the amount of ambition i had. I ended up just laying down and thinking. Maybe tomorrow ill have enough energy to do what i had planned. Ive slowly starte ed to learn just to do wht my body tells me. Maybe had i started doing that earlier i wouldnt be so sick now. Oh well. Cant dwell. I just know better days going to come. Cant wait for this evaluation so i can know if i qualify for a transplant. If i do ill be one step closer to my blessing. At first i wasnt sure if i wanted to do it. But then i prayed about it and realized i have to have faith and stay positive. Though its a gamble, either way, i have to remember whatever happens happens.

Like always, remember:
Live Free. Pray. Drink Wine

Random Things

You ever miss someone you use to be close to, but for whatever reason ya’ll just dont talk anymore. You know the situation means youll never be that close again but its the times you miss. The good feeling you had most days that you miss. Yea thats me right right now. Wish they didnt have to go and fuck shit up.
Now im stuck with this feeling. This feeling of whether or not to act or just leave it alone. To reach out or just let this feeling run its course. That’s my struggle right now. Do i shrug the feelings on my heart off or be honest and hope for the best. The situation is complicated but is always have been. Take a chance always seems like the right choice but how do you take a chance knowing it may backfire. This is definitely a walk by faith not by site moment.