New Beginnings

A person is entitled to having a moment. That moment where they just step away from all things to reanalyze what the hell they are doing. That has been me. I’ve felt lost. Like I lost myself and didnt know how to function. I have been extremely dumb. I’ve let individuals, who I can see don’t mean me any good, influence my mind and feelings. I’ve lost touch with reality and used my mind to convince myself to see this illusion. I stopped listening to my intuition and I went blind. I became stuck in wanting something I should have given up on a long fucking time ago.

Now I’m at a fuck it stage. Fuck it all. I’m tired of not being me. Well feeling like I’m hiding myself from reality. You ever just miss yourself. Like the old you. When you where truly happy. There are people that haven’t felt that since they were kids. Me I’ve always been happy. Well my definition of happy at least.

I miss me and it’s time I reconnect with her. I’m on a new journey to becoming an independent “disable”. Tapping into a new world with new blessings and beginnings.

I Shall continue to Say Fuck It.

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Happy Mother’s Day 💜

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL THE MOMMIES. WHETHER THEY ARE HERE ON EARTH OR IN HEAVEN. WHETHER YOUR FIGHTING AN ILLNESS OR HEALTHY AS EVER💜🥰😘😘

Today is the day we give a special recognition to the woman who are ans act like mothers. They are there nop master what. Good or bad. I’m grateful for all the woman in my life. They have stepped up to the plate to make sure I still have that mother figure. My mommy isn’t here physically but she is spiritually.

Don’t just use Mother’s day as the day you show love to these special women.

May 7th, 2019

On this day 3 years ago I graduate with my Bachelors.😱🥰💜 Can toy believe it? Man. One of the best days of my life. I wish I could go back sometimes. This would definitely be a moment I’d go back to.

Shows how much can change in an instant. Cherish the moments. It’s really important. Remember not to take things for granted. Especially not the ability to breathe. Take a deep breathe every chance you can.

Lifting My Inner Vibrations

Haven’t written in a while. Some may ask why but honestly don’t know. Just haven’t had the motivation. I could blame my meds but really it’s just been me. Been letting things and situations distract me from what I want and need to focus on. I need to reenter my energy.


I sit here on Tybee and wonder where my life is going. Right now I just feel stuck. Wondering what’s next. What’s the next in store for Celeste Rene’. I feel as though I do the same thing every day. I want to feel like I’m ment to do something great again. For me to be saved I have to be here for a reason. I am suppose to do something great that benefits me, the world, and God.

I found an old diary I had and as I was reading through it, I told myself I would do all these great things that would put me aligne with my future endeavors. Realizing I haven’t done one thing I wrote for myself. Crazy right. I realize that I didnt even go in that direction with my career choice. Now I wonder if I had just stuck with it that vision, where would I be.

Recently, to kind of pass time and keep busy, I’ve tapped into activities I use to do when I was little. Like make cards and be creative trying to design things and drawing. Makes me feel good to do those again honestly. Maybe I should focus on that. Mother’s day is coming up. I should channel my inner creative side and see what I can come up with.

I need to really refocus and concentrate on myself. Easier said than done so let’s see how this goes.

Happy Birthday Mommy

Today is the day a Queen was born. Not just any Queen…My Mommy. April 7th, 1973 my mom graced this earth with her presence. She was and will always be my warrior. My mom battles Lupus and LAM for as long as I can remember. I never saw her give up though. I never saw her throw in the towel.


I try to make her proud through everything. There are times were i wish heaven had a telephone service. Just so i can hear her voice. I’ve forgotten what she sounds like. Never her laugh though. I was always there with her through eveything. I’ve still punish myself emotionally becuase in a way i let her down the day she died. I listened to my family and took a break and went with my grandad. I left the house. Her last few years were hard and I stayed closer to her like never before. The one time I let guard down she leaves this earth. I still feel responsible but I don’t let it weigh on my heart like I use to.

My mom isn’t hurting or worrying anymore and I’m grateful for that. Im grateful for the 12 years i did have with her. I am grateful I did tell her I loved her before I went out. Though physically she isn’t here spiritually she is. Hope GG and everyone throwing you the best 46th birthday bash. Im rocking for you Mommy. My number 1 lady. My Twin. My 1st best friend.

Call your moms and tell her you love her. Thank her for life and never giving up. Do it before you cant anymore.

Realization

Ive been MIA for reasons I’ll discuss in another post. This post is about the realization and the gratefulness of life. This time last year I was in my medically induced coma.

I have realized though that I’ve lost myself since. I’ve become lost. The person in that coma was too busy for life. She was too busy to stop and appreciate the life in front if her. It took a tragedy to make her realize her blessings. However I had eveything lined up and going how i wanted. Now since I’ve woken up I have become more grateful for life but lost my focus. What’s my focus now? That’s still the unanswered question. As i try to figure out an answer I continue to just be as happy as I can.

Destined for Greatness

Of Course I Struggle…I Just Dont Quite. Thats Not An Option.
Do not allow anyone to tell you that you can not do something. Im choosing to believe in myself and not accept the disrespect and challenges thats been thrown at me.
2019 is the year of greatness💜

#lupuswarrior
#2019 #lupuswarrior #mixedconnectivetissuedisease

The Let Go

Letting go with no warning is the most tragic thing that could be done. Cold Turkey Love I call it. That is me today. Been feeling this decision for months and today i just had enough.

I love hard because I’m a passionate kind of person 💜. For so long I ran from it because I was afraid of my love not being returned. Can’t keep running from who I am. I don’t make quick decisions when it comes to my love for someone. My decision to love someone means you become a part of my soul forever and that attachment is not easily broken. I love with no expectations because sometimes people aren’t in a place to love others, but they need all they can. You also have those peole that are still healing from a damaged relationships. Relationships that left them in shambles and they really need that friend.

I know how it feels on many occassions. There are times when I really need love but I am not in the capacity to reciprocate it.

This was on my heart for this morning because today i let go of that person. That person I wanted to be there forever but deep down knew i couldnt. That person that i fell in love with and will be forever apart of my soul. They are someone who is afraid to love because of their past hurt. Ive learned to love regardless. I cant be a robot amd hide my emotions. That’s not who I am. Tired of acting like I can be that person. Its just driving me crazy.

If your going through that and conflicted with letting go, let it motivate you more than anything. It hurts sometimes, but it’s better to live a life filled with love than live a life with regrets of not loving enough.

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